I haven’t posted in a while, but I’ve actually been writing almost every day since moving to Arkansas. My mornings start early, before anyone wakes up. I spend time reading the Bible. Usually I share a post on facebook about something that spoke to me. Then I hammer out between two and three pages of whatever is on my mind. It’s something I learned from reading The Artist’s Way … most of the way through. Or half. I lost the book in the move, but it’s fine. Anyways, after my morning pages, I work on creative pursuits until it’s time to wake up the kids and go to work.
I realized this weekend – when Saturday was almost over – that spending time in God’s word and writing my morning pages has become a keystone habit for me. It defines who I am and how I will go about my day.
Saturday I slept in because we had a super late night at work. Or an early morning? Whatever, it sucked, it’s done now. Anyways, I slept in and skipped my usual routine. Throughout the day, I was filled with thoughts of negativity, doubt, and just all around unhealthy stuff. I also realized that I felt that way a lot more often before making the decision to start my days off with the Word and my morning pages.
Which is actually pretty surprising when I step back and look at things. From the outside, my life probably seems more stressful. I took a pay cut and a demotion to come live in Arkansas. Our house in Houston hasn’t sold yet. Spoiler alert, it’s really expensive and did I mention the pay cut? I’m not succeeding in some areas that I normally do exceedingly well at. My dad’s still sick. My wife, two kids, an I live in the room that my parents have been so kind to bless us with.
Sidenote, my parents are awesome. I know the living situation sounds like a nightmare to most people, it’s not. But it does seem like it should be stressing me out a lot more than it is.
Despite all of that, my life is transforming from the inside out. I read the Word in the morning instead of at night when I am too tired to make much of it. I work on creative pursuits before anyone wakes up instead of after everyone falls asleep. When I get home from work, I get to focus on being a good dad and a good husband instead of worrying about the things that I haven’t done yet for that day. I get a full night’s rest instead of trying to jam as much as I can into a single evening only to get a few hours of unrewarding sleep. I haven’t had any real heart issues since moving here. I’m thinking more about how to be an example of Christ to people around me. Not super successful at it, but it’s something I’m focusing on and thinking about.
A lot of things are changing. I would like some of the external things in my life to change, of course. But I don’t have control over that. God does. Most importantly, giving God control of who I am and tying my success to that goal means that no matter what happens externally, I am still satisfied. Yes, I may want things. But I don’t need them. I’m not disappointed if I don’t get them. I may not be living up to the potential that the world would have me strive for. Instead, I’m becoming the person God created me to be. And that’s the kind of success God delights in.
Scripture says God delights when a sinner repents. He delights in the first, small steps of obedience. He delights in our mercy, not adherence to a written code or traditions. He loves to see us love the people around us. He’s filled with joy when our hearts point towards him and share his love with others. And if that becomes our goal – to please God through being the person he created us to be – we can live truly fulfilled lives. It’s what I’m learning right now.
It’s not always easy, and there are times when I still feel discouraged. Sometime I view my life through the lens of this world instead of through the eyes of my Father. But the majority of the time, I see the world and myself more like he does. And it’s beautiful.
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