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Breakfast for Charlie

Eggs, swiss cheese, mushrooms, and spinach.  It was one of the few things we actually agreed on, and I figured it wouldn’t be the worst way to start the day.  As the scent of melting swiss filled the small studio apartment we shared, I realized there was something missing.  Onions.  I tiptoed over to the refrigerator and opened it as quietly as I could.  I had done a good job sneaking around so far.  I had even cracked the eggs inside a kitchen towel earlier.  Sometimes you just want to do everything right.  Or at least close.  The kitchen towel now laid in the hamper, covered with egg yolk.  And now that I had the refrigerator open, I realized there weren’t any onions in the vegetable drawer.  I found a half-eaten bag of fried onion chips tucked away behind a jar of pickles, but I thought that would be a bit too tacky for an omelet.  Well, too tacky for her.  I’d try it.  I’d try anything.  Continue reading “Breakfast for Charlie”

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Tea Time with Mrs. Lewis

Tea Time with Mrs Lewis

There was a silent strength in the way she poured her evening tea.  Her hands moved with a grace that betrayed her age.  Her soft smile should have accentuated the folds in her cheeks, but somehow the lines in her face all but disappeared.  Her silver hair turned jet black, the weathered wrought iron table turned ivory white, and the sun shone on rolling fields of green grass and blooming flowers.  The cool autumn morning faded like a memory.  It was spring.  It was tea time.  A moment forever locked in time for Mrs. Amanda Lewis and anyone who sat with her at the little white table adorned with two chairs.  The humble dining set filled the entirety of the small patio outside the back door of her blue wooden house.  Most people didn’t know how it happened – how the years melted away or how spring burst forth from any season during tea time with Mrs. Lewis.  But she told me once, when I was young. Continue reading “Tea Time with Mrs. Lewis”

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A ChocoCream Morning

“We ain’t doin’ that anymore,” she said, glaring at me with her icy blue eyes.  Chocolate and white cream smears decorated her pouting mouth and dappled her blue and white striped shirt underneath her overalls.  Her hands and the floor were covered as well.  Thankfully, her blonde pigtails had somehow escaped the flurry of ChocoCreamies that had been torn from their package and shoved greedily into her mouth after I had carelessly knocked over the lunch sack I was preparing.  She managed to snatch and eat three in the time it took me to retrieve the tattered package with a single, squished ChocoCreamie – thing – in it.  I honestly, didn’t know what to call them.  Little, elongated chocolate cakes filled with cream and covered in chocolate icing.  No, I knew what to call them.  A cavity in waiting.

Continue reading “A ChocoCream Morning”

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My Keystone Habit

I haven’t posted in a while, but I’ve actually been writing almost every day since moving to Arkansas.  My mornings start early, before anyone wakes up.  I spend time reading the Bible.  Usually I share a post on facebook about something that spoke to me.  Then I hammer out between two and three pages of whatever is on my mind.  It’s something I learned from reading The Artist’s Way … most of the way through.  Or half.  I lost the book in the move, but it’s fine.  Anyways, after my morning pages, I work on creative pursuits until it’s time to wake up the kids and go to work.

I realized this weekend – when Saturday was almost over – that spending time in God’s word and writing my morning pages has become a keystone habit for me.  It defines who I am and how I will go about my day.

Saturday I slept in because we had a super late night at work.  Or an early morning?  Whatever, it sucked, it’s done now.  Anyways, I slept in and skipped my usual routine.  Throughout the day, I was filled with thoughts of negativity, doubt, and just all around unhealthy stuff.  I also realized that I felt that way a lot more often before making the decision to start my days off with the Word and my morning pages.

Which is actually pretty surprising when I step back and look at things.  From the outside, my life probably seems more stressful.  I took a pay cut and a  demotion to come live in Arkansas.  Our house in Houston hasn’t sold yet.  Spoiler alert, it’s really expensive and did I mention the pay cut?  I’m not succeeding in some areas that I normally do exceedingly well at.  My dad’s still sick.  My wife, two kids, an I live in the room that my parents have been so kind to bless us with.

Sidenote, my parents are awesome. I know the living situation sounds like a nightmare to most people, it’s not.  But it does seem like it should be stressing me out a lot more than it is.

Despite all of that, my life is transforming from the inside out.  I read the Word in the morning instead of at night when I am too tired to make much of it.  I work on creative pursuits before anyone wakes up instead of after everyone falls asleep.  When I get home from work, I get to focus on being a good dad and a good husband instead of worrying about the things that I haven’t done yet for that day.  I get a full night’s rest instead of trying to jam as much as I can into a single evening only to get a few hours of unrewarding sleep.  I haven’t had any real heart issues since moving here.  I’m thinking more about how to be an example of Christ to people around me.  Not super successful at it, but it’s something I’m focusing on and thinking about.

A lot of things are changing.  I would like some of the external things in my life to change, of course.  But I don’t have control over that.  God does.  Most importantly, giving God control of who I am and tying my success to that goal means that no matter what happens externally, I am still satisfied.  Yes, I may want things.  But I don’t need them.  I’m not disappointed if I don’t get them.  I may not be living up to the potential that the world would have me strive for.  Instead, I’m becoming the person God created me to be.  And that’s the kind of success God delights in.

Scripture says God delights when a sinner repents.  He delights in the first, small steps of obedience.  He delights in our mercy, not adherence to a written code or traditions.  He loves to see us love the people around us.  He’s filled with joy when our hearts point towards him and share his love with others.  And if that becomes our goal – to please God through being the person he created us to be – we can live truly fulfilled lives.  It’s what I’m learning right now.

It’s not always easy, and there are times when I still feel discouraged.  Sometime I view my life through the lens of this world instead of through the eyes of my Father.  But the majority of the time, I see the world and myself more like he does.  And it’s beautiful.

 

Photo by Aphiwat chuangchoem from Pexels

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Fox I: The Flop

Red, black and gold.  Eighth notes on the piano, chord changes accentuated by the rhythmic pulse of overly synthesized bass lines.  My shoes, freshly polished alligator skin, looked tarnished against the impeccably clean marble floors as I marched through a sea of designer clothing pulsating to the beat of the music.  Calls, holds, folds, reds, blacks, runs, and the cursing of a man who shouldn’t have gone all in.  Black marble columns rose twenty feet into the air, adorned with golden ivy helixes rising towards ceilings plastered with faux Italian paintings framed by more golden flora. Continue reading “Fox I: The Flop”